My beautiful laugh

I hate this letter because it was written for you.

  Hi. I don’t know if you still read my craps, but if you do, this is just to say .. 

 I miss you. Mister, it’s been a while since we broke up. I miss you, still. 

 I miss your smile, your voice, your cute texts, your late night calls, and the old you. 

I miss your ability to put up with my endless crap. 

 And I miss the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach and my heart getting faster without any reasons. It’s been a while. Don’t you feel the same? I just don’t get it. I don’t get you at all. 

Some days you care so much. Some days you don’t at all. 

I think that if you never heard of me again, you’d be alright. That kills me.

 Not hearing from you for a week alone breaks my heart. I have been left waiting for too long. 

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which one to do is the worst kind of suffering.  Mister, I am suffering.

 And now, it’s over. 

I don’t want things to be back like before anymore even though I have been missing those pretty moments very much. I want it to be like what has been decided since the beginning.

 I need to move on, because you already have. To be the one to be dumped is sucks but to be the one who dumps is sucker. I am sorry. It’s just not going to work. I am erasing you from the half of me. It’s kind of hard, but I know I can and I will. Like you said, time will heal. Thanks a lot. I don’t need you. I am no longerholding on, I am no longer waiting for nothing. Well, there is a scar. There is. And every scar tells a story. 

A story that says I will survive. Please make your way clear, and drive far away from me. 

Goodbye forever. My pretty heart needs time to find its pieces that you had broke.

Read my lips. The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. 
The fights end in crying with no one to hold me. The way my world seems to collapse, but I know this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. And when I hang out, the way your eyes watch mine, the way you are looking at me, the way you are trying to say sorry and make all the pain go away.

And this is the time I’ll try not to care and don’t look away.

Being completely ignoring you.

And thinking that you don’t deserve me after all.

The complications. The tears. The heartsick.

Will go away.

People change, so does the heart.

You hurt mine, anyone else will hurt yours.

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about it, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind in confidence for the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and let yourself free.

Mister, I am not giving up. I am growing up.

And I am going to smile again.

Sincerely, me

Somehow I just want to hug you tight and run. Run from the reality that it will be the last time I will hug you again. Farewell